WHAT a Night?!!!

July 28, 2008 Skinny Minnie

So last night after I said goodnight to Mr E, I was texting Louie a bit, and then I went for a run at like easily gone 2am. As I was running, I saw a guy running towards me, and I looked down, not wanting to slow down or acknowledge him in case he was some dangerous nutter, I mean who runs at 2am?!….

As I got closer I recognised him. It was Louie. I was sure I hadn’t told him I was going running, so what the hell was he doing running at gone 2 am? He said that sometimes he can’t sleep and needs to run too. Yeh yeh. I don’t believe in coincedence. I wonder if he knew that I like to run when I can’t sleep. He knew I was still awake, and then I obviously stopped texting him back because I was running. Maybe he cleverly added up the equation and came to run near my house on the off chance? Nahhh that’s a bit big headed.

Anyways, we were chatting, breathless like you are after a run, and everything was normal and I saw him lean in towards me. I didn’t know what to do, my mind was racing at easily a million miles an hour. What the hell should I do?!! In the end, in my panic and in my mental state of hating and being quite terrified of men, I froze. Poor Louie didn’t know what to do, I didn’t even move. I didn’t kiss him back, I didn’t move away. Even when he moved away, I was frozen there for a second or two and he apologised.

I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t get the words out. I told him not to say sorry, that I hate the word sorry and that I had to go home now. I ran up the road towards my house. He tried to call after me, but I pretended I couldn’t hear.

I know I know I know. I’m a fucking nut job. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. My feet were rooted to the spot and I literally couldn’t move. I think I need help. Am I scared of being close to a man again? What is it that makes me terrified and a chill run down my spine whenever a guy touches me?! I don’t know but I wish I did.

However, for now – it’s a perfect defence mechanism and I’m glad that it means that no-one will get close to me for at least as long as it takes for this to heal.

Entry Filed under: Louie,Running

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