Went for a gorgeous breakfast this morning. Yum yum yum indeed. After breakfast I decided to head to my parents house to join Mr Ex and my children. Tomorrow is Mr Ex’s birthday. My friend drove me there. She drives nice and fast and we got there in good time, but stopped a few times along the way. She told me that she can’t “see” me without Mr Ex - that she can’t picture me without him. I told her that it feels weird but that I’m getting used to it and so will she. She mumbled, well I suppose so or something like that. I wondered why I seem to spend so much time reassuring everyone else that the world won’t stop turning because Minnie and Mr Ex are together no longer…..

I laughed with my friend about Mr E. I’d told her about him the night before. When she came to pick me up for our night out, she asked if I’d been treating myself since losing the weight. I told her I had a new indulgence, and took her to my bedroom to see my vast collection of undies. She was shocked. She told me it was a shame that no-one would get to see them and it was at this point that I confessed that someone, somewhere had been seeing them. Then I told her about Mr E. She seemed surprised that we had no plans to take anything any further. I explained that I don’t feel for him in that way. I told her that I would have my fingers crossed all night that he was getting somewhere with the lady he was supposed to be meeting.

Anyways, so we’re in the car and Mr E comes up in conversation. My friend says “and there’s another thing I don’t get” to which I had to ask what she meant. She told me that she didn’t undertstand why I showed a complete stranger my undies - how it got to that point – and why either of us wanted to take it any further. I told her it got to that point through natural progression, and that neither of us wanted to take it further because we were happy the way we were. I told her that it was like we just both had an itch and knew how to scratch each other’s itch without leaving a mark. She said she could understand that. I told her that I was planning a life of solitude, and at the moment a “virtual” closeness is all I can do. She seemed to understand that too. She told me she was shocked I married Mr Ex in the first place. She said that it was like I was one way for ages and ages and then just announced out of the blue that I was different after all. She said it was a shock.

Anyways, after that nugget of truthfulness, I arrived at my parents house and waved goodbye to my friend. No sooner had I arrived than my sister had called my Mother in tears asking for my Dad to go and collect her. Turns out she’s had a massive row with her boyfriend and he’s dumped her. Dad dutifully drove and picked her up. When she got back she wasn’t in the mood for talking to us, and instead called her friend to come and chat with her. They went to the local park for a girly chat.

About an hour later, my sister called again in hysterics, she asked for my Dad, my brother or myself to come to the park and help her. Apparently some guy had held the two girls hostage in the park with a BB gun that they thought could have been the real thing. My sister was inconsolable, and when Dad took her to the local police station, no-one was in.

So.. armed with a description, my Dad pulled up outside the house and asked for all the men inside to accompany him to the park to go and confront her attacker. My two brothers, Mr Ex and myself joined my Dad to go and see this weasel who likes to scare 16 year old girls with guns. We got there, my Dad found him and gave him a roasting. It was purely verbal, mind you – but what a rush. The guy was an ass. A complete ass. He was very slim built, almost like me and as we all went to get back in the car, he called my brother’s name and told him to “watch out” well the five of us, my Dad included just laughed and laughed. I physically started to feel tears in my eyes, and I wondered if I may accidentally wee myself. The guy came closer to me, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw my brother moving towards me. The guy looked right at me and said “why are you laughing, bitch?” I looked at him and told him I was laughing because he had told my brother, my big muscly brother, to watch his back. I asked him if he could just tell that my brother was shaking in his shoes. I told him he was a pathetic weasel and if anyone should look out it certainly wasn’t any of us. We all got in the car and drove home. Laughing all the way.

My sister was on the phone to the police as we got home. Literally as she put the phone down, we heard a helicopter above the house. We looked out and sure enough it was the police helicopter. It was hovering over the park, and then circling between the park and the house. I couldn’t believe they had launched the helicopter for this litte scroat that we saw.

My Dad is a very cynical man. He told me that firstly, mention the word gun and the police will sniff around, and secondly – “well it’s Sunday, isn’t it? That’s double time, they’re probably bored – lets go for a ride in the helicopter!” I had to laugh, he was right.

I laughed again just slightly when I thought of my sister. She’s OK now, laughing about it and the fact that we went and saw the guy for her. But I have to laugh just slightly – what a day for her?! She gets dumped, goes to the park for a girl chat and some sympathy, and then gets threatened with a gun! What a day for her, eh?!